My Testimony 🦋

This is my Testimony…

My name is Shadeii.

But most of the young people I know, call me Big Momma!!!

I was born Tania..

I had always hated my name and about 6 years ago while praying and speaking with our father he gave me my beautiful new name

I am 51 years young and live in Melbourne Australia.

I have 5 beautiful God given children who are the light and Joy of my life.

My oldest son Ryan is 33, then a son Jordan who is 25, then 2 daughters, Taneesha and Tayla, aged 21 & 20 and my youngest son is Christian, who is 16…

I separated from my husband 11 years ago, due to domestic violence.

I had no other option than to leave him.

It was unsafe for me, for both of us to remain together.

If I had stayed, I believe that he would have killed me.

I remain faithful to my marriage vow before God (YaHUaH) which I made, which was “until death do us part.”

I take that to mean that while you are alive, you don’t get divorced.

This following scripture is also important to me:

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:32

I apply this to myself in reverse.

I left the relationship with the belief that I would never have another relationship, I still loved my husband, but could no longer live with him.

I had no need for a divorce.

I have stayed true to this, and now I am and will remain single and married to Jesus, for the rest of my day’s.

I live on my own, in a small 1 bedroom flat.

I am very comfortable and have all that I need, which is not very much.

I am a very simple person and have no interest in gaining meaningless ”possessions”…

What I have, I use.

I own nothing that is frivolous.

I have been a Christian woman since I was 31 years old.

20 years ago.

That’s when I got my first Bible and began to read it.

The reason I began to read was really strange.

One day a couple of Jehovah witnesses came to my door.

I started talking with them, because from a very young age.

I knew there was God (YaHUaH)

I was curious about what they had to say.

My Dad raised me on his own, and was an atheist.

So I had no knowledge of God (YaHUaH) or Jesus (YahshuaH) personally, I had just heard about them.

So anyway, this day, I was very interested in listening to what they had to say.

Many times they had come to my door in the past but nothing had come of it.

They always seemed to turn up at a really inconvenient time.

We discussed many topics in their short visits.

For some reason the things they had said to me, didn’t sound quite “Right”.

I had asked some questions about God (YaHUaH) and the answers they gave, didn’t marry up to the image, that I had in my head of God (YaHUaH)

This particular day I was busy again. So, I told them and they said they could come back again, the following week, to talk with me.

As soon as they left, I thought that this would be my chance to get a Bible, to disprove the things that they were saying about the God (YaHUaH), that I knew in my head…

I had never read a Bible before but for some strange reason,

I knew that my God (YaHUaH) was in it.

I knew that it had the answers, that would help me expose the lies they were spreading about my God (YaHUaH)

Don’t ask me how I knew, I just did.

For the next week I read, ate and slept the Bible.

Everywhere that I opened it up, I found answers that conflicted with the things they were saying.

Things like, if a person in their temple commits a sin, they refuse to associate with them.

That they are segregated and you are not allowed to eat with them!

You can imagine how many scriptures I found, that say the exact opposite to that, in the new testament…


I was on 🔥 Fire...

I had ammunition…

I had scripture after scripture marked down, referring to every point, that I had felt conflicted about.

I was right!

And God (YaHUaH) backed me up…

I couldn’t wait for them to come back to contest my case for God (YaHUaH)

When they returned, I discussed with them the conflicts.

They got extremely flustered and said that they would look up the discrepancies and get back to me the following week.

They said that they had another appointment and hastily left.

I never saw them again!

This situation was my official introduction to the Bible,

God’s word and Christ and my courtship and Love affair started.

My relationship with God (YaHUaH) and Jesus Christ (YaHUshuaH) his Son, has developed just like any relationship over a period of time.

Because of the time we have spent together over the years, I know them both so well.

I grow closer and closer to them every day.

I know them better than I know my own children.

They have left me an explanation and documentation of the how and why, they have done every single thing.

My kids only tell me what they want me to know.

So I will never really know them 100%.

A part of them will always stay hidden.

God (YaHUaH) told me EVERYTHING…


The good news and the bad...

He hides nothing...

I can trust him with my life.


I have hungered for God (YaHUaH) every day since my introduction to the Bible.

I didn’t understand many parts of the Bible ‘in the beginning’.

The the more I read, the clearer it became.

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
James 4:8

I found the answer to every question I had ever had, in the Bible.

I am an intellectual person and aim to continually learn something new every day.

Otherwise I get bored.

I love to learn, about everything and anything, no matter what the subject.

However, reading the Bible became my favourite subject of all…

You can never stop learning about the contents of the Bible.

God (YaHUaH) reveals himself to me daily in his word.

The Holy Spirit🔥is now helping me unlock hidden mysteries and secrets that I have never heard before, things that are available to everyone, if they desire and it’s AMAZING!

It is truly the living word...

It gives you life...

The more you get the more you want!

No matter what the circumstances or issue you face.

The Bible has the answers to everything.

It covers any life topic you can think of, to talk about.

I had understood at the start, that ‘Church’ meant a building.

So I thought that I needed to attend one. To learn more about the Bible.

I have since learnt differently...

In the first couple of months I attended 3 different Churches.

Looking for a place where I could learn more about God (YaHUaH) and Christ (YaHUshuaH)

Unfortunately I failed to find one where I felt comfortable or learnt anything.

I felt like they were just repeating the same stuff that I had already learnt from reading the word myself.

The Basics...

They were not giving me anything new.

They seemed to teach very superficial messages and were more focused on what people could ‘Get’ from God (YaHUaH)

Blessings, wealth, new relationships, Stuff…

Give Money (even when you can’t afford it) because he will multiply it…

I used to get soooooo embarrassed because they passed round the plate and EVERYONE could see me not put anything in (I didn’t have it) I was struggling and could not afford the basics at that time.

I was always disappointed.

I would come home feeling more depressed than before I went.

I wanted to feel LOVE and HOPE ,SOLID FOOD not MOTHERS MILK…

And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk.

1 Corinthians 3:1‭-‬3‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.

1 Corinthians 3:2

In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!
Hebrews 5:12

In March 2000, while heavily pregnant with my 4th child.

I got baptised...

I don’t know exactly when I received the Holy Spirit 🔥

There was no particular time or event that it happened.

I didn’t notice anything different.

The anointing of the Spirit just started slowly, over time.

He began to show evidence in my life.

As I read the word, I began to understand things, that I had read before, differently.

It wasn’t long after this happened.

I left the Church…

I wasn’t learning anything, I was not part of the body and I was an outcast.

I was told by the Pastor and Church members, that it wasn’t possible for me to know things about God (YaHUaH), that I couldn’t and didn’t understand the Bible, because I was a ‘New” Christian.

I felt really frustrated…

I was also JUDGED because I have tattoos and don’t wear shoes.

The sideways looks and finger pointing was blatantly obvious.

It made me feel very uncomfortable.

Needless to say it took just over 6 months and it was bye – bye churches…

I’d had enough.

I haven’t been to a Church since…

It’s been close to 20 years…

I did however keep reading my Bible, EVERY day and could never get enough.

Every spare moment, I rushed to get to know God (YaHUaH), more and more.

I totally fell in Love…

I have been through some pretty brutal attacks from the enemy throughout my life, but more so in the past year.

I will list a few of the things that have happened to me during my life, where I have been under attack.

My father took me away from my alcoholic biological mother, when he came back from the Vietnam war, I was 10 months old.

She was a complete drunk and had moved in with another man, while my father was over there in Vietnam. She neglected to feed me, change me and take care of me.

On his return from the jungle, he made the decision to rescue me from the situation and raised me on his own.

My father remarried when I was 5 years old.

My stepmother used to beat me regularly as a child.

At the age of 9, I was sexually molested by my Dad’s best friend.

At the age of 11, I ran away from home and was placed in a children’s home.

At 12 year’s old, I ran away from there and became a street kid. I lived on the streets for 4 years.

At 13 year’s old I became a prostitute.

At 14, I was a stripper and heroin addict.

At 15 I managed to get off the heroin when I was found by the police and placed back into a girl’s detention centre.

At 16, I ran away from there and by God’s grace I got a normal job as a barmaid, after I hitch-hiked to another state in Australia.

At 19, I attended University doing a bachelor’s degree in accounting but only completed 1 year because I decided it wasn’t really what I wanted to do and lost interest.

A lot of other things happened in between, including various abusive relationships.

I had a happy marriage for a number of years in the beginning.

As my children were growing up, I ran a small business from home doing printing and graphic design.

I designed the artwork and outsourced the printing to a wholesaler. Then delivered it to the customer with my mark-up.

I managed to also home-school 3 children for 1 year very successfully. With a Christian based education system.

So, God (YaHUaH) favoured me greatly for a number of years.

After my marriage separation, at the age of 41, I was unable to find a home for myself and my children and could not return to the family home because of domestic violence.

Being unable to find a home, I had to return the children to the family home with their father, but unfortunately, I could not live there with them, it was unsafe for me.

I was told that the public housing waiting list was 10 and a half years.

I was unable to find myself and the children a home.

Due to the grief, and the tragic situation, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for the first time, due to a nervous breakdown.

After finding a small flat for myself, because I was still unable to find one for us all, I ran another small business from home producing slideshows for people that had lost loved ones. I did my work through a number of funeral homes.

I have suffered greatly being separated from the children.

Until very recently, I maintained a close relationship with them, until another unfortunate incident with their father, drove a wedge between us.

I have been in the hospital on 3 other occasions over the years, due to homelessness and the inability to find solutions to traumatic situations, that I was confronted with.

Thanks to God (YaHUaH) being my life always

He has been with me during all these events in my life and I have stayed positive, kept moving forward and always had hope.

His love has always been evident to me, even though these things sound bad to most people, to me…

They were normal, just my life...

I was used to it…

I have always accepted it.


I still carry with me some bad habits that I can’t seem to shift like swearing when I want to make an impact when speaking…

This along with my multiple tattoos makes people jump to the conclusion, I am not really a Christian!!

But our fathers says..

But his answer was: “My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.” I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ’s power over me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Unfortunately most Christians that I have met, I found are really quite judgmental and don’t reflect Christ and his teachings at all.

This is why I don’t go to Church and so many that are lost and broken, stay that way…

They see most Christians as hypocrites, as I did and they are 100 percent correct…

They put themselves on a pedestal, look down their noses from privileged lives and ignore those that need Christ the most…

The homeless, the mentally ill, drug addicts, alcoholics and those that don’t fit in…

They think because they go to Church on Sunday and sing a few songs, they are saved…

They break the commandments and then justify it, when scripture clearly says otherwise…

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1

He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.
John 1:10

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. John 14:20

Every ‘word’ throughout the Bible is him…

So to say that the commandments (the law) does not apply to them is foolish… It’s Truly very sad…

I Pray that these people start to open their eyes and ears to reflect our Lord and Saviour.

They really need to read the whole Bible, drink the living water and eat the bread of Life, the gospel’s…

The only way to sustain the Holy Spirit within…

Give us this day our daily bread, does not mean food!!

Jesus answered him, “I am the way, THE TRUTH, and the life; no one goes to the Father except by me.
John 14:6

What is the Truth?

Thy righteousness is an everlasting righteousness, and THY LAW is the TRUTH. Psalms 119:142

He has Truly Blessed me and given me the gift of prophecy which I use very wisely and very rarely reveal to anyone…

When I was a young girl, I had a recurring dream that I was rocking the most adorable little black baby.

I thought that when I grew up that I was going to marry a black man and have a family!

This never happened, however the Lord moves in mysterious ways.

The only country that I have ever wanted to visit in the world, is Africa.

I think they are the most beautiful people on earth…

About 8 months ago, I decided to start my own Facebook group, where I could fellowship with like minded brothers and sisters.

For some really strange reason everyone that God placed in my life to invite to the group, was from Africa!!!

Now we have a private group, where we share the undefiled and unblemished word of God.

We Love, support, teach and encourage one another.

It is my Church


YaHUaH is Good – ALL the time

The things that have happened to me during my life, have given me a heart for young people, those that are struggling and those that are lost and broken.


May our father in Heaven Bless you and your family and friends


May he place a wall of protection around your mind, your heart and your life


May the word of God (YaHUaH) be on your lips at all times


In YaHUshuaH’s mighty name…


💪✝️ ❤️


✝️ My Love to you All ♥️

Published by Shadeii (Big Momma) 🦋

My name is Shadeii, but my friends and family call me Big Momma... I am a 51 year old mother of 5 wonderful Adult children... I am a Royal Priestess in the Kingdom of God... Annointed by the Holy Spirit, to share the word of God and His Love, with the lost and broken people of the world 🙏❤️✝️

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